Not Every Problem Leads to Divorce
People, we have a divorce epidemic in this country. People are too quick to throw away a good relationship because it becomes difficult. The first time feelings are hurt or someone disappoints us, we want to walk away, no matter how complicated that choice is. We don’t care if there are kids or property or decades of time together being destroyed. We want out because someone isn’t exactly what we want them to be. It’s time for us to quit this addiction to short-term thinking and start working towards fixing things more often.
As a person who’s been married through several bumpy roads for more than twenty years, I don’t know how many people I’ve seen give up for reasons less good than I have. True, there have been a few that have had good reasons along the way (and I’m not trying to speak about them here, sometimes a marriage really is broken), but the vast majority have simply been too lazy to work things out. The first itch they have to be free, they scratch. And scratch and scratch until they can’t stand it anymore and rush off without the other person.
The reason for this is we encourage this behavior in our culture. We worship youth and personal freedom, and we often denigrate personal responsibility as old-fashioned, fusty, and uncool. We encourage people to watch to be free and to escape their responsibilities.
So, when the first potential problem comes up, most people’s natural reflex is to throw their hands up and give up because relationships are harder than TV said they should be.
This, despite the fact there are counselors out there who deal with just about every issue that can come up in a marriage. Take a look at this marriage counselor’s “problems we can solve” and tell me your relationship issues didn’t at least deserve an airing with a professional before you walked away.
- Lack of Communication
- Conflict and Resentment
- Drifting Apart
- Affair Recovery
- Differences in Parenting Style
- Obstacles to Sexual Intimacy
- Balancing Work and Family.
That pretty much covers most of the complaints people have when they tell me they’re getting a divorce. How many of them went to a counselor? How many of them really tried to reconcile? I don’t know what is in anyone’s heart, but it appears to me that most of them did very little to fix things once they were broken. And that sort of behavior needs to stop.
America has gotten away from the habit of fixing things. Whether it’s our addiction to buying new, cheap items constantly instead of repairing old ones or watching our infrastructure fall apart, or watching marriages dissolve every day, we just aren’t in the habit of repairing and making things last anymore.
That sort of behavior can’t go on forever. We need to take a stand for quality over quantity. And we can start with our marriages.